


i've been watching you, you see

by mumblingmaria



Category: Campaign (Podcast): Skyjacks, Illimat (Board Game)
Genre: Character Study, Gen, spoilers for episode 26
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-07
Updated: 2019-08-07
Packaged: 2020-08-11 07:08:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20149669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mumblingmaria/pseuds/mumblingmaria
Summary: Saying goodbye to a life is never easy, even when you know it's coming. Letting go of a good story that found its way into your heart will always seem unfair. But there's need for that goodbye. And there's a need for a story to end. So it's time to say goodbye and move forward.Though, since we're both here, there's no harm in remembering what happened.





	i've been watching you, you see

**Author's Note:**

> _"After all, to the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure."_

I’ve been watching you, you know. Ever since you found out you had a knack for what your people call unsettling magics, or more unkindly “evil” magics. Perhaps even a bit before that, time does work a little different for me but that’s neither here nor there. What matters is that I’ve been watching you for what could be considered a long time now. 

I remember when you realized that with your abilities that life (funny thing, _life_) wasn’t going to turn out the way you thought it would. Not that you ever really expected much from it; you weren’t your siblings and you certainly weren’t your father. You had the weight of a name that you never wanted to carry. It felt like the weight of the world and you didn’t care for that. And then you found a new weight to carry and suddenly you were able to become stronger. No longer were you Atlas, holding up the world and buckling from the weight (do you even know of Atlas?), now you were onto a god who could decide what weights would be carried. And you did indeed decide that for your friends. 

Do you remember being whisked away by Orimar Vale? That dreaded and lust after captain. Of course you remember; you saw your chance to be accepted, even if it was just to be a doctor for a ship of criminals and murderers and thieves. A ship flying through the sky with little chance of seeing the next day. That’s the life of a pirate, you never know if tomorrow will come because of your actions from yesterday. But you went so willingly. Orimar saved you, gave you a life. 

Orimar Vale gave you a family and home that you never had before. 

Though, you know Orimar saw more than just a doctor. Doctors are easy to find and steal, you are unique. 

You hid your abilities, however, you still felt like the outcast you decided you were. But there was a small part of you that wondered that if the secret of what you could do came out, would you be shunned?

And then you met _them_. Did you have any idea meeting them that these would be the most important people in the world to you? Could you have had any idea? I knew, of course, but it’s more interesting to ponder about if you did. They didn’t know at all what meeting you was going to mean, which is surprising considering the angel, but they’d learn that eventually. 

They’ve definitely learned it now that it’s too late. 

You didn’t know that you could learn to love so deeply, but tragedy has a funny way of turning your life completely upside down. Losing Orimar certainly did that. But then… you didn’t lose him. You saved him, in your own way. You gave him a second chance at life, even though you won’t see that truly come to pass. (We can talk about you taking him back some other day, but I’m not angry. You are a pirate, afterall. You’re a thief. So, I’ll be forgiving and ignore that you stole from me.) You also saved your friends and crew from the turmoil of a coup, don’t forget that. You found yourself every day since the island realizing more and more that these people, these wildly bizarre and frustrating and confusing people, had fixed themselves into your heart deeper and deeper. They became a part of you. It was uncomfortable and strange, but you learned that you had done the same with them. Or are you going to learn that right now? Again, time is different for me.

I’ve been watching you, see? I know who you are. You’re a man who had no idea there was a path for him. You’re a man who viewed himself as weak but still made it through every day (except today). I watched you help the crew who came to you with illnesses and wounds that made your insides turn and you still helped them. You healed them with your touch, with your mind, with your magic. You were there for every single one of them. You truly became their doctor but most importantly you became their friend and family. 

Do you see now? You were never weak. You weren’t who your brother claimed you to be: a coward. If you had gone out of that room kicking and scream I would have called you brave. But instead we’re here now. But I’m not done talking about what I remember from watching you. Just one more thing needs to be said. 

There’s one day that sticks out in my mind. It was after everything with Orimar but before all the secrets of your friends had come to light. You were finally sitting up on the deck, needing fresh air after spending all night and morning working on the captain. Even you couldn’t handle sitting in that room with a corpse anymore. Even sometimes you needed to be with the living. You told yourself that you only needed five minutes and then you would head back below to continue your work. But time slipped away from you that day, didn’t it? A minute or two after finding somewhere to rest, the life on deck captivate you. I believe it was Jonnit who had started the whole show. He wanted to learn to shoot or just to improve on skills he already had. I don’t know the details, I wasn’t watching him, remember? I was watching you. Anyway, he was loudly asking any member of the crew who he could get to for tips and advice and secrets to shoot a pistol like those legendary sky and sea captains. Finally, Travis sauntered over and said he’d be more and happy to demonstrate how to properly shoot. Gable was helping crew members nearby fix an extra sail that had been damaged and they were just shaking their head. Of course it was Travis who caved to help the boy. Not to be helpful but to be seen. For a man with a proper secret to keep hidden, he truly does love to be seen. 

All of this you watched, off to the side and where you assumed you were unnoticed, and you realized that maybe you were happy. There was still the stress and worry that everything would fall apart, that you would be viewed as a monster you were raised to believe you had become, that death would come for all of you sooner than you wanted it to come. But in this moment, this loud yet quiet, singular yet infinite, solitary yet communal moment, you found yourself smiling. This was the moment you realized that you were alive and you weren’t alone. It was small and soon after this you had forgotten everything that happened on the deck, but it happened. I can remind you of what you’ve forgotten. Gable at one point caught your gaze and rolled their eyes with a smile about the whole show. Travis, after declaring that perhaps there was hope for Jonnit to one day be a marksman, made his way over to you and while draping himself across the railing of the ship asked if you wanted to be taught anything. Jonnit simply asked you as you passed him to go back to the captain if you had been watching, his face filled with the hope that you’d compliment his improvement. 

It was a small day but it stayed in your heart until this very moment where your heart stopped working. 

When your brother walked into the room, did you know this was it? Did you know that you were going to die in front of one of your closest friends and still not get to say goodbye? Did you know that you were going to be leaving your family tonight?

Let’s not dwell on that. 

You’re standing in front of me now, looking into the scene where the captain you resurrected from the dead fights the brother who cast you aside. You can’t see your friends but you’re hoping that they make it through this night because then what was the point of all of this. Don’t worry, they will live. Though, a piece of them is now dead. 

I walk towards you and place a hand on your shoulder. You look up at me and frown. You of course can’t see me but you know I’m here with you. Here for you. I smile down at you, nonetheless.

“Are you ready, Dref?” I ask. 

“Of course I am,” you say, turning your back to the room you just left. Your body is still there, but what’s a body? That’s a question you’re never going to see the answer to when it comes to your captain, I am sorry for that. You would have loved the knowledge it would have brought you. 

“Aren’t you afraid, Dref? You know who I am.”

You smile. It’s just like that smile on the deck all those months ago. It’s small and quiet but brighter than any sun. “I know who you are. How can I be afraid of you? I’ve been watching you; I know you. You can’t fear what you know.”

I laugh. Wise words. 

“What are you afraid of, then?” Might as well strike up a conversation. We have a bit of a walk, you and I, and I’m not great with awkward silences. You match my step, walking with so much more confidence than you allowed yourself to have in life. 

Your answer doesn’t come right away. Maybe you’re thinking through all the different injuries you’ve seen or perhaps some horror story of a mariner that Orimar told you about before he died. There are so many things that you could be afraid of because you let yourself sit in that idea that you weren’t strong. Oh, if only you had seen the strength I know you have. 

But your answer is so much more than those, I’m sorry I didn’t think of it on my own. You say, “Did I prepare them enough? Without me, will they be okay?” Your eyes are now wide with fear because you don’t know. See, for you time is linear and now that you have reached the end of your line you can’t see any further ahead because there is nothing for you to see. 

I’ve been watching you, Dref. From when you were still Alistair to now. I wish I was going to be able to keep watching you in this way, very rarely am I sad to have someone join my kingdom. I guess that’s irony for you, the one who’s death that makes me sad is the necromancer who stole from me. I have seen your journey and I knew from the beginning that we would meet like this. Knowing doesn’t make it any easier. 

I stop walking and you stop as well. I take your hand in mine and I see you shiver. Is it the cold? Are you just excited to be talking to Death despite the fear sitting inside you? My other hand rests on your cheek. 

“They’re going to live, Dref. Their lives will be hard, harder now that you won’t be there. But not because you won’t be bandaging their wounds or casting spells to save them. They’re going to miss you so much. But they’re going to live. They’re going to live for you. So, do not fear for them. Know that one day, they will be happy again. They will think back on you and remember that they love you and that you loved them. I wish they knew that you’re going to keep loving them.”

Oh, Dref. I wish you were going to live. But there’s no one to drag you away from me and I didn’t choose for the world to work this way. Your world curses me for taking away loved ones but it is merely the job I was tasked to perform. You’ve come to the end of your time alive but you lived such a spectacular life. I’m more than happy to walk you onto your next adventure. 

“Even Travis?” you ask, your voice shaking but you try to joke, anyway.

“Yes, even Travis is going to miss you. Maybe the longest out of them all.”

You smile. And then you look back. We’re too far away from your world now to see anything but it’s the gesture that matters. 

“All right, lead the way.”

And so we walk forward together, your hand still in mine. I think it’s beyond fitting that you walk hand in hand with Death at the very end, we walked together through life.

I’m going to miss watching you.

**Author's Note:**

> How we all doing? Sad? Cool.
> 
> I woke up the morning after episode 26 was released and I saw the final part of this fic in my head and moved as quickly as I could to write this. I wrote it in about an hour and a half to two, which is probably the fastest I have ever written anything. Probably the fastest I'll write anything. I did no planning out, I just sat down and wrote. It was really freeing. It was a nice way to say goodbye to such a fabulous character. 
> 
> I'm not gonna go too into the sadness of saying goodbye to Dref and JPC, I'm gonna leave that over on my twitter. Also, I think this fic says it for me. 
> 
> I'm sure someone will notice; I took a lot of inspiration from The Broken Earth trilogy by N. K. Jemisin for this fic, I wanted to experiment with style writing and I seem to always do that for the very small fandoms I'm a part of. I hope y'all like it, I had a great time writing it. 
> 
> And, I'm in camp that Dref didn't fight Death in this episode, so that's why my fic is how it is. I'm gonna say that Dref fought death, like a reaper or wraith or something, and not Death. D vs d. Gotta pay attention to the d, amirite?


End file.
